I Am Alive!!!!

I know, I know, I know...you all probably think I have died and gone to heaven about three months ago and nobody told you because you haven't heard from me in that long! The good news is...I am alive! The bad news....I am officially HORRIBLE at keeping in touch! With my own family for Pete's sake!!! My profuse apologies to all of you, really.
Since it has been so long...I'm not even sure where to start on an update of my life. Really, there's not that much, although I feel like there should be as an excuse for the lack of communication on my part. But, a few things that have happened...I've graduated, been licensed, started working, gained a few clients, waited on clients, given away many free massages in hopes of getting clients, met new people, waited on more clients, have been happy, depressed, bored, frustrated, deathly ill, healthy, joyful... basically up and down the rollercoaster of life a few times in the past few months. And am still alive and well to tell the tale. I look at my life sometimes and think, "I never would have imagined myself in this place, at this time" but overall, I am overwhelmingly blessed and grateful for everything God has done in my life.
It has been incredibly hard starting my own business as a massage therapist. It seems I have lost most, if not all, of the outgoing, non-stop chattering, loud, carefree personality I had as a child (In fact, most of the people in my life today would never believe that I was capable of being any of those words!). I've know this for a while, however have not felt the impact as much as I have lately. Surprise, Surprise...going through school and getting licensed does not put a sign on your forehead saying, "I am a wonderful massage therapist and you should really book an appointment with me because I am totally awesome!" You actually have to open your mouth and talk to people...about yourself! Just hearing that sentence causes my knees to shake and my pits to sweat involuntarily. Me? Talk? About me?!!! Crawling under my bed and hiding from the world is a mental picture that has come to mind many times in the last two months. Why I am so terrified and utterly unconfident baffles me sometimes (and is the cause of many a frustrating conversation with Shalaunda). Why my tongue twists around itself when I try to speak to new people is a constant frustration. But I am working and trying to get past these hurdles. I have been working in a wellness center owned by the son of some very dear people, Robert and Susie Lamberth whom I met during my time at Mercy. They are an amazing family who has blessed my life beyond words. I have been sharing two rooms with another massage therapist and an aesthetician, so I work four days a week there if I have clients. Recently, I met another chiropractor on the other side of town who is interested in having me work in his office the other two days. This all sounds great, and it is! But my biggest downfall has been my fear of marketing and actually having to go out and promote myself and my business. In a perfect world, I would be getting calls every day and doing about 12-15 massages a week. But I know it doesn't work like that. So please pray for me, that my nausea and fears will settle themselves and I will be able to seek out opportunities to grow my business. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but in my heart of all hearts I know I am where God wants me to be and He is going to help me get through this process.
In other news, or really lack of....um...no boyfriend, I'm not pregnant, my hair's not blue although it's slightly longer than it has been in a while, no more tattoos...hmm, is that all? I do miss you all terribly even though I haven't acted like that is true. Has anyone thought about plans of getting together this year? We really need to not be like our extended family whom we only see about every seven years!! Seriously, I can't believe I haven't even seen Dallen yet!! So we need to get on that!
Oh, one very important thing I forgot to mention...Debi is now living with Shalaunda and I! Most of you knew that I realize, but it is important because it has taken more adjusting than I thought. Turns out...all three of us have very different pet peeves, OCDisms, and sensitive areas that have been the cause of many a misunderstanding and miscommunication. It has been a sometimes frustrating, other times humorous, and definitely a growing process for all of us. We are learning to TALK(why is that so dreadfully hard for our family?!)and not stuff things, and to laugh at ourselves when necessary. A young girl from church recently spent the night at our house and when we apologized for the frustration and miscommunication that is a part of our daily lives she said, "I'm just glad my family is not the only one who is dysfunctional!" lol.
Well, now that I have written a book that will never be published...I will give your most likely crossed eyes and boggled minds a rest. I'm not going to promise a weekly update from now on because I will most likely break that promise, but I will try to not hide in a cave without talking to anyone for months at a time. I really do love you guys and miss you severely!